Buddhism 101: Just different, not worse

Had a good realization of back pain in the sit just now. If Buddhism were taught as dogma, I wouldn’t believe any of it, not really. It is entirely about first-hand experience. There is no other way to really know these things. In this case, the “back pain” was experienced as back pain, ouch, want-to-move, etc. Refined, it became an experience of pressure, contortion, noted as unpleasant. But, I saw it for what it really was – those experiences. Just a different arrangement of matter/energy stuff, to use an old metaphor from an old book. One arrangement I normally judge to be favorable, another unfavorable. Just like a sunset is preferable to a pile of shit. But really, this “favorability” is not a property of the object. It’s a judgment placed on the object – a judgment about our desire or aversion to it.

Simple stuff, really. Buddhism 101. But experienced, it is key.

It also shows the deficiency in my discipline-practice this past week. Yes, I’ve succeeded in getting through a week of no divergence from the schedule, no sex, no food after 130pm, and no music. And much less devotional practice. But I have experienced it most - not all, but most - of the time as less pleasant than having those things. Now, it’s ok to register that feeling, but not helpful to attach to it, and not see it as what it is: a judgment, a colored lens - not seeing clearly. Drinking broth is not less good than eating stew – it’s just different. It gets labeled as less good, or whatever, by the mind. Just see that distinction clearly. And eventually of course we do want to cultivate equanimity.

* Rest your awareness* Went into a lovely accepting totally calm place from that instruction. Really works nicely. Open.

I judge myself a little too harshly when it comes to teaching and creating things. E.g., I had a notion to do a night of Cooper music after doing some myself this morning. The judgment came up in the labeling of it as “planning-ego.” But there is also an aspect of wanting to share the joy authentically.

Even that, I guess, is a form of desire, but it’s the same one that inspires teachers. I guess that’s a good reason to only teach when your teacher tells you to. It’s a confusing amalgam place.

Finally, I noted how little it took to stimulate so much God-love in me. Just 15 minutes of sitting and chanting and davening. As I observed before, it’s a quality that is inherent, in some people more than others, but it grows with cultivation, just like compassion, metta, etc. So I would add “God-love-and-awareness-and-gratitude” to the brahma viharas.

I am sad that I may have unintentionally killed a small, cute spider. I didn’t think he would perish outside, but he may have. I guess he was right not to trust me. Sad. But, unintentional. And maybe he’s just in protect-mode.

Oh, I also wanted to note - a lot of nice little things and sad little things like that happen all the time, but don’t make it into my notes. Because I try to ration my notes except when there’s a big issue coming up. So as a result these notes are not an accurate reportage of my experience, which includes lots of nice moments with the EmergiLite, hilarity that I am sitting with Mr. Footsie, Radagast, Fraulein Liebfraumilch, Shakey, Ray (I love that that’s his actual name), Cute Guy, Hot Guy, and Metta Lady, etc.