As relaxed as possible, but still alert

Once again, a bout of doubt -- self-doubt. I'll never have enough perseverance, my mind is too busy, my interests are too broad. And doubt of the practice: too anti-world. I ignored the stories and the doubt passed, because I went to present moment and all is erased.

Eastern Buddhism isn't more "real" than Western - it reflects its culture and is right for that, while we're figuring out ours. E.g. endividual -- value, role, etc. Not as self but as node of experience.

I know what works for me.

My job is not to evaluate, spread the word, analyze, optimize.
It's simply to be mindful, to be here now.

Here's a thought: how relaxed could I be and still be mindful and not be in thoughts. I think that is the place for me. As relaxed as possible, but still alert. Let's chill out and see.