The Awareness of a leaf

What makes me happy now is that I feel blah, the weather & breakfast were not conventionally good, and yet I am very content and happy to be blah. Vacuums, also, make me happy.

This week, I did a lot of gevurah work to not always go to the pleasant. It worked, but I can't say I'm totally equanimous about not eating, and doing the schedule. The preference is clear. Still, it gives me something to work with and see, rather than just try to be happy when nice stuff is happy.

"Forgive them, Father, they know not what they do" - from large-scale deforestation to shifting posture and making noise in a sit, there is no individual self responsibility. Just conditions, ignorance, and suffering.

Forgiveness, if not compassion, for the ignorant...

Glimmer of Knower consciousness - in small-scale samadhi. Not certainty, though, as there is with no-self. I feel like Brahman is still there and not "all one" though I am resting in no-mind.

I get to centrality of Awareness through science. How do all the conditions, matter, energy "know" to behave as they do? The Awareness of a leaf. And the genetics of a forest - everything there (and here) is a result of information -- "knowing," if you will. Still, I don't experience the unity of that with the quality of knowing I am feeling now, or knowing the hearing of the pen on paper, etc.