Daydreaming

Why do I daydream? I think there are several reasons, depending on the daydream. Topics that are just recurrent and at this point infuriating (note fury, etc) include:
- The Beatles.
- The Lord of the Rings
- Star Wars
- The renovation of the house/kitchen area
- The design of my website
- The title of my poetry collection

These are not just concerns, anxieties that come up - a million of those, of course - they just suck me in. They aren’t problems to solve, either. It’s not like I’m going to work out the perfect web design while on retreat - that is obviously something for real life, when I’m working on a computer etc. So it’s different from musing on the law of karma. The first three are just completely idle, the second three tied to desires and fears of mine.

I think the insight here is the idle daydreams are really a form of desire for a more pleasant mindstate. Even when I’m calm, happy, grateful, and even when I’m concentrated, a possibly subconscious part of my mind is reflexively trying to spin, because it feels that if it doesn’t spin it will be unhappy. It’s so funny, because I know, I know that the opposite is true. If it stops spinning, the level of happiness with whatever state - even negative ones - will increase dramatically.

So it is good to see that the thinking mind is not “me.” There is also parts that are alongside (I think ‘beyond’ or ‘beneath’ may be unhelpful metaphors -> sense of identity) that thinking mind, that would really like it to take its bubble bath more often.

Of course, scolding and judgment are like the Ring of Power – whoever wields it, it causes evil, in this case, just meaning tension, aversion, denial of presence. Even if the wielder is Galadriel, in this case, my compassionate, wise self that would like me to stop thinking so I can be in the moment, if it wields the Ring, the aversion to what is going on (thinking, whatever) causes a constriction.

Wow I meant to write that short Ring piece for like two weeks.

Anyway, it is about relaxation, because that is allowing, acceptance, being with whatever. Whether it’s or or choshech, it is God. Even darkness is Light.