The point is to just be with whatever

November 18 (from notebook)


Fast day today in many ways -- went by quickly, and I'm moving quickly. Doing better than my last fast day - at least, not hating it totally. Honestly, "figuring it out" in terms of process is important for my happiness. Here's what I've figured:

The point is just to be with whatever. Early on, it's more valuable to get very quiet, and have amazing experiences. They let you know the range of possibility and the glory of mystical presence.

But now I'm working on the rest of the time. Can I be with this? This kind of bored, less holy feeling, vaguely hostile mood. Oddly, I feel like I can do this better in the world - there's more to do. Here I get more antsy. And yet, by doing a bit more practice and a bit less stuff, I do feel more present, and less frustrated.

Intellectually, I know that this step is the destination. This moment is God, or Presence. I know mindstates are just mindstates and the problem is getting attached to some, aversive to others. So what's needed is a detached sense of curiosity. Looking at this state like a movie, or something under a microscope. Rather than being caught up in wanting it to go away. Easier said than done. Today is easier than last time which was easier than the time before. So there is progress. And confidence that it will pass -- and gratefulness for yesterday and this morning (trying not to judge myself, since it was so recent). Seeing the clinging.

Loosening is tricky.

--

For real compassion, as opposed to pity, ask: Am I feeling what they might be feeling? E.g. of person cleaning bathroom: "I feel sorry for you - that bathroom stinks" vs. really feeling what it might be like, in the moment, and speaking from there.
Go to the Other.