Non-self

"Who moved? The conditions moved." [Inquiry into what actually happens when 'you' move during a sit. Really, all that has happened is that the conditions were present for movement.]

That's it -- anatta. What we call the "self" is merely an agglomeration of conditioned phenomena that condition other phenomena. No "phenomenon" even exists separately -- just part of condition-chain.

Vipassana - seeing this clearly. NOT as a gushy feeling of Wow but as a fact that is observed via careful mindfulness to process. You observe it -- it's not about brainwashing to have an "experience" -- it's an insight.
Who is writing this? The conditions are.

Anatta thus is the way to God. (God - the One - the "net" - Yesh/Ayin) Not through a "sense" or through some teaching, but through an insight. Because if there is not a separate self, there's just Being. But not even that is a "thing."

And it has nothing to do with quantum mechanics, or happy hats. Happy Hats may be a skillful means or response, but they don't create knowledge. Knowledge emerges from seeing clearly.

Thus even turning away from God is turning toward God. Note: it's not necessarily "serving" God or leading to conditions that stimulate love, etc.

It's really not about a "good feeling." Maybe that's why some spiritual centers have trouble, since they're really all about that. Anatta/Nondual does seem like a whole separate category from energy, ghosts, powers, doctrines, ethics. Whether there are ghosts or not seems like a whole other discourse.

What is the difference between "I feel love" and "I love you, God"?

There is a concern that the latter leads to distinctions, and away from other people, who can be seen as getting in the way of the 'God experience.' [Of course, it's easy to explain why they aren't, but the fact is that involvement with people does make the necessary prerequisite of concentration impossible.]

Knowledge of the One does not imply knowledge of anything having to do with distinctions. This is how someone can have true knowledge of the One and still be wrong about past lives, or biochemistry, or geography.

Why I didn't care about my recent "bad sit":
- "Too much" equanimity? So, it was a bad sit. So what.
- Had lots of highlights in the morning anyway
- Not every sit is "good"
- In nonduality - meh, I'll improve my precision later. Let the insights sink in.

Having some great equanimous nondual bliss. I don't feel particularly high or "blissed out." But I do feel like, ok, this is God putting on shoes, getting tea, being still. Aware of this person and his ego as a sort of container. Like, when I didn't put on the big colorful kippa because of fear of embarrassment. Not sure how that is to be regarded. I don't own it - it's kind of a limit on the container - just like I can't fly either.

This retreat has been a bit like my life. Lots of insights on so many different topics.